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    A Brief History Of Spontaneous Combustion Films    

 

Employee Information

Peter Finbow

b. 29/3/84, St Petersburg, Russia. (Contact Pete)

What can i say, quite frankly the master! If every man was as kind and cool as this guy then the world would be a perfect place. He writes the personal information. Collects famous people's toe nail clippings including those of Elvis Presley and Sooty. Was given birth to by his grandmother. Overcame his addiction to casarole by taking up cocaine instead. Once flushed a female hippo down the toilet because he thought it was a male. Turns yellow in summer because of his perculiar diet of swan's eggs and clouds.

Previous Roles

Rodney Jack: Crewe Alexandria the Musical

Geeky Freekio: A good guy in the blockbuster movie Jupiter XGYTFRFG5547576576YGFYTF.

Awards

Golden Globe Award (best actor in Elmo In Grouchland)

Hungry Hippos Under 15's World Champion (1996)

Kareoke King for Wymondham (yesterday)

 

James Layton

b. ??/??/??, Unknown. (Contact James)

Little is known about this nomad from Zaire. His red cheeks indicate his venomous sting which he uses frequently when hungry. Discovered climbing a tree the wrong way and thus awarded the job of chief director for Spontaneous Combustion Films. He loves cars because they are shinier than a lot of other things of equal value. Despite a valiant effort he failed. Get's most of his ideas for films from Hello magazine because it has 34 pages. Votes conservative due to his religious beliefs.

Previous Roles

Big Nora: An alien in the film Jupiter FCYFUH43UYR8734Y.

Green Jaybird: The Wacky Adventures of Thin Lizzy

The Honey Monster: The Honey Monster Returns

Awards

Hungriest nomad (Zaire Nomad Awards 1996)

Pinkest socks (Zaire Nomad Aawards 1995)

 

Paul Greengrass

b. 3/4/84, Dublin, Ireland. (Currently Unavailable For Contact)

Once found shaving a monkey. This actor/producer overcame his heroine addiction earlier than the rest of him. Made his breakthrough on television on Through The Keyhole when he was burgarling Alan Hanson's country mansion. He works in his spare time. Is yet to die. Once had a race with an ostrich but came third. Discovered the number 11 but was never credited with the find. Was thought to be the last American alive until Bill Clinton was spotted on television the other day.

Previous Roles

Paul Greengrass: Jupiter XYICB834H8C8CHC8H4578VH48VH48HV874HV87HV87

Darth Paul: In Jupiter XBUYG874ITU893T878

Dusty Springfield: Springfield does America on a Warm Winter's Day in a Big Fat Car.

Awards

Biggest Middle Toe (World Toe Awards 1999)

Most Spectacular Death: National Death Awards (1992)

 

Sam Bartram

b. ??/?/??, Spointagonisticationastignostic, Ethiopia. (Currently Unavailable For Contact)

After a heroic battle against the Rolling Stones he became the first ever artist. Collects mops in his spare time and works in the rest. Despite his fear of flyng he managed to collect enough mops to win his house back. Decided to be a movie star soon after he discovered he was a man. Retired as a disk-jockey because of his front door bell. Has recently spent three weeks in hospital as a protest against ant hills. Was last seen sweeping roads in Toy Town.

Prevous Roles

Sam Bartram: Jupiter XCBH83HCVH38HF8778

JJ: In Jupiter XDUY38R834YF873HF838FG84HG8H58GH.

The Car: Monopoly The Movie

Awards

Whitest Mophead (Texas Tiddlywinks Championship, 1994)

Deadliest stare (Texas Tiddlywinks Championship, 1994)

Loudest laugh (Texas Tiddlywinks Champiuonship, 1994)

Most awards for stupid things (Texas TIddlywinks Championship, 1992)

 

Richard Wood

b. 11/3/84, Mount Rushmore, USA (Currently Unavailable For Contact)

Unfortunately he never recovered fully after his head transplant but is now able to touch two things at the same time. He was reported MIA last summer but was later found behind the sofa. Has two feet for balance. Makes belly buttons for God. He is elergic to forty five year olds. He once fell asleep for seven hours in a row. Had his gold medal for the high dive taken away because he tested positive for rennie rapize.

Previous Roles

Ruler Rick: In Jupiter XH487HR5H8FH85HG84

Lothar Mattheus: Euro 2000

Awards

Oscar Nomination for best supporting actor in Driving Miss Daisy

Mr Universe (1997 & 1998)

 

Tim Mountford

b. 26/3/84, Singhong Town, China (Contact Tim)

His age is unknown. Has been arrested for murder less than the others. Became editor chiefly because of his amzing sense of smell. Has a tea bag named after his grandfather. He enjoys swallowing and wallowing because they rhyme. Is taller than he used to be. Lost his job as a lion after he ate the Prime Minister. Despite his efforts he was refused a place at Sir Rolf's Animal Hospital due to a lack of spikes.

Previous Roles

Charcoal: in Jupiter XH587YGHGH845HG84H8G84.

Mr Miyagi: The Karate Kid

Jesus: Resevoir Dogs (deleted scene)

Awards

Only one

 

Alex Holland

b. 7/2/84, 19, London Road, Cambridge, England, CM12 H76, phone. 01576 658345. Fax. 01576 6591222200. e-mail. 19_london_road@cambridgemail.com. ask for Mary. (Currently Unavailable For Contact)

The turning point in his life was when he was excavated in Egypt. Decided to be an actor after his near death experience in a chair forty years ago. His main assets are his heads and feathers. Accidentally married the vicar at his wedding. He invented the flu to keep his llamas warm in winter. Has fourteen more hairs on his head than the others. Has never recovered from the bomb blast in his local glue factory and was last seen with a sofa attached to his arse and a carpet on his feet.

Previous Roles

Sweet Baby Moses: Jupiter XW78F8734C34HV8H

Jeremy: Jeremy and the Chocolate Factory

Gangrenous Grant: Hetty Wainthrop Investigates 2

Awards

Driest Plant (Chelsea Flower Show 1992)

Gold medalist for Javelin (Olympic Games 1988)

First, Second and Third (Annual Typing Championship, 1999)

 

James Clarkson

b. ??/4/84, Bethlehem, Jordan. (Currently Unavailable For Contact)

d. 22/11/99, Mount Calvary, Jeruesaleum, Palestine.

After regaining concioussness from his death he has won many awards for his height. The plural for his name is James Clarksons. Made his major big screen debut as a hot dog propreitor who wondered infront of the screen. Collects dry ice in his spare time. Has a fear of cockney rhyming slang. Often refferred to as the sixth spice girl because of his love for bobble hats. Makes up for his lack of weight by praying to Satan on Tuesdays after Byker Grove.

Previous Roles

T-Rex: Jurassic Park

Bugs Bunny's Stunt Double: Slam Jam

The Ginga Ninja: Swan Lake Ballet

Awards

None to date

 

James South

??/??/??, Acapoulco, Mexico. (Contact James)

Has a pet on the 5th of every month except January becuase it has no 5th. Slightly more cynical than half of the crew. Without his head he is not as useful after he lost it in a guillotine accident. Has a huge fear of arses. Decided to be an actor after his starship was destroyed in July 1995. Has never punched an aardvark. Once swapped places with an evil sorceress for a joke. Wrote the original Harry Potter book based on his experiences in the Vietnam War.

Previous Roles

Didly Squit: Jupiter XH8CH5HCJGF48HG854HGH5GH45HG845H8V48VH845H8G5H8GH875HG87

Bob the Mechanic: Mike and the Mechanics H20

Awards

World Cup Winners Medal (1966)

Bob Marley Tribute Award (1996 for services to reggae)

Fastest Bunk Bed Maker (Who Wants to be a Millionaire, 1999)

 

Matthew Creber

??/1/84, Shumi Village, Trabia. (Currently Unavailable For Contact)

Never been born which has hindered his progress in the acting proffession. Despite a leg injury he can now move his eyes up and down without any help from Nick Parks. Lost his eyelashes in a rowing accident. Puts more effort into his work than fifty five people last year according to Hello magazine. Recently worked as Joe Scully's stunt double in Neighbours. Was recently left on the editing floor. Enjoys special occasions because he considers them to be more special than occasions that are not so special.

Previous Roles

Robocop: Jerry and the Pacemakers 2, Judgement Day

Little Ron: Maid Marion Vs Godzilla

Awards

Runner up for best Shitsu (Crufts 1993)

Most mobile bean bag thrower (Hovercraft Awards for Spaniels 1998)

Robert Dorrell

b. ??/??/??, Freewibbelsbry, Sonsonsonson, Venus (Currently Unavailable For Contact)

Designed and built by Moses in the Great Flood of 48. Fell dormant for less than 3 million years, 23 to be exact. Has two thumbs, one on each hand. Made his acting debut in a Mr Muscle advertisement playing the role of a shower. Is able to turn himself into a frog every fortnight except in a leap year. Has never been anywhere before. Was recently approached by Eminem to write the lyrics for his forthcoming album: "You're All A Bunch Of Mother F**kers". Has been trapped in his fridge for the last 4 years after a hide and seek accident.

Previous Roles

Robert Dorrell: Jupiter XBUC84HC98349F984F

The Albino Alien: Jupiter XBX8738847DF83C

Fantastic Mr Fox: Roald Dahl, The Final Years

Awards

Fluffiest tomato (Vegatable awards 1995)

PFA Footballer of the Year (1986)

World record for saying the most swear words in a minute (1999)

 

The Laughing Gorilla

b. 32/13/10, Hugobbbbbbodon, Congo. (Currently Unavailable For Contact)

The oldest member of the team and often gives his wisdom to help others. Had his fur dyed orange for charity but lost an arm as a result. Made his breakthrough on television when he famously ate David Attenborough's spine, allowing the presenter to survive if he offered the hopeful gorilla his job. Is the only black member of the crew to make it look like an equal opportunities employment company. Is the original owner of Red Rum. Was the inventor of Kate Moss but died before he could give her hands, only scissors remain.

Previous Roles

The Laughing Gorilla: Jupiter XBCH78487F45FH45HV4H5HV8

Ming Ming the Ding Ding's Monkey Baker Boy: Winnie the Pooh and the Great Honey Pot Robery

Ally McBeal: Ally Mcbeal and Robin

Awards

Most elligible batchular (YOU magazine 1999)

Runner up in Liam Gallagher Look-a-Like competition (1996)

Mobile Phone Seller of the Year (1964)

 

Matthew Stone

b. ??/??/??, The Centre Circle, Carrow Road, Norwich, England. (Contact Matthew)

Gave up his occupation as a holiday rep. to become an actor next year. Made his acting debut in Jupiter XUCF9843JH9CH349FC493HJJ03UG. In his spare time he enjoys adding to his collection of Eastern European countries (which can be viewed in the Sainsbury Centre, Norwich - 24 hours a day between August 9th and October 22nd during the year of 2027). Lost his left nipple in a banjo accident. Is payed in ready salted peanuts as requested. Is currently fighting a battle against lung cancer using his mother's sword. Was given birth to on the pitch during a Norwich City match.

Previous Roles

The Meaning of Life: Jupiter XB8CH83H7FV4587HF54HV

Mingling Morris: X-Men

Snowy: Tin Tin and Snowy Vs Godzilla

Awards

Holiday rep. of the Year (2003)

World record holder for highest piss up a wall (17 metres 23 centimetres) (1999)

World record for longest piss duration (53 hours 1 minute 2 seconds) (1999)

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